🌟Weekly Inspiration🌟

The words we use are important. I've been struck by this lately in my sessions with adolescent girls in regards to body image and appearance. For many young girls, as they become middle schoolers the emphasis shifts away from being smart and kind to a focus on attractiveness. All of a sudden, girls are valued for different reasons and receive a lot of attention for their appearance. Some kids are teased and made fun of for their appearance...and some are revered, sought after, objectified, and sexualized as their appearance and body change with puberty. Don't stop reading this if you are raising boys because you think this doesn't apply to you! Our culture absolutely promotes the way young boys objectify, speak, and conceive of women—at home, you can teach, model, and reinforce better language for your sons. 

For today, I’m focusing on the girls who are objectified and sought after. These girls often find their way to my office after getting in trouble for sending suggestive texts or scantily-clad photos to boys…or they find their way to me after they’ve been traumatized, harassed, bullied, or assaulted—and are depressed, anxious, self-harming, or restricting food. These girls are often described as “hot.” There is much work to be done to build a foundation of self-love and self-esteem after they’ve gotten a lot of attention for doing things that usually don’t align with what they want and cause them to lose some self-respect on their way to popularity and approval. They are inherently beautiful.

In my efforts with girls, they will simply stop listening to me if I approach appearance as if it doesn’t matter or shouldn’t be focused on or valued by them. One simple concept that seems to be resonating with the adolescent girls that I speak to (and the ones that we are raising at home), is that they should aim to be considered Beautiful over Hot. A girl (and woman for that matter) who seems to believe that she is beautiful tends to carry herself through life in a different manner than the one who believes that she is hot. I’m not talking about narcissism or getting too big for one’s britches, but I am talking about trying to raise girls who have quiet confidence in their beauty, inside and out. A girl who believes this about herself, who believes that boys should treat her as if she is beautiful and talk to her respectfully—is less vulnerable to being treated poorly, making impulsive decisions to please boys, and losing her own self-respect.  

This is a rich topic and I am just skimming the surface here with this commentary. If this feels important to you, I would highly encourage you to read REVIVING OPHELIA by Mary Pipher and GIRLS AND SEX and BOYS AND SEX by Peggy Orenstein. Awesome and relevant reads. I love working with these kinds of adolescent girls—it is such hopeful work because it is never too late to start feeling differently about oneself, valuing one’s true worth, and seeing one’s true beauty ❤️.

Ask yourself:
 

How much attention did I receive for my appearance growing up? How did it affect me?
Have I ever dumbed myself down to please others?
Have I used language that objectified women? What kind of language is permitted in my home around appearance and bodies?
What makes someone beautiful?
Is this worthy of discussion at home with my kids?

Be well⭐