🌟Weekly Inspiration🌟

In training to become a therapist, one is taught early on to “Begin with the end in mind.” In short, the therapist should be thinking about termination and the end of treatment from the very first session with a new client. Sometimes we even allude to or speak to it in an Intake appointment. The thrust of my work as a clinician is to help one improve their symptomatology, witness their struggle, gain clarity, and meet their own personal goals for the time spent in therapy. I should be trying to work myself out of a job from the very first session.

I think this concept is also useful when parenting. I often see parents that are anxious, over-involved, controlling, or critical of their growing children. Often these parents are loving and well-meaning, yet they hold on tightly when their adolescent needs to begin letting go. It is our job to raise children that feel prepared to launch someday. There is no “end” to parenting in the way that there can be a goodbye between a therapist and client….however, parenting is truly one long slow letting go. Let that sink in. We, as parents, need to work ourselves out of a job as well. At some point, our kids won’t need us for all of the day-to-day issues that arise—instead, we will have relationships with our adult children that are hopefully built on love, trust, autonomy, and mutual respect.

I know this struggle viscerally. Our eldest child is now 17, a rising senior, and becoming more independent by the hour…and I am bracing and anticipating all the emotion as she prepares to fly the coop. It is so exciting to watch as she figures out her next steps and I also ache when thinking about the upcoming transition. The years go quickly—so, even for those reading this with young children, how can you begin contemplating these concepts?

Ask yourself:
 

How was I allowed to grow up and launch? Did it work for me?
How can I both love my child and also slowly let them go?
Do I foster dependence sometimes because it meets my needs or I don’t want to let them go?
How do I grieve?
Have I forgotten myself, my marriage, my career, or my personal dreams while focused on child-rearing?
How can I find my way back to myself to prepare for my next chapter?

How can I “begin with the end in mind” in terms of my parenting? In terms of my entire life—how do I want to feel at the end of my life?
Any shifts that I can make?

Be well❤️