Leah Niehaus, LCSW & Associates

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Knowing Who You Aren't

🌟Weekly Inspiration🌟


For some, it is so uncomplicated to know who they are. There is no agonizing, what you see is what you get. In some ways, it’s fortunate to be clear on who you are at a young age…in other respects, sometimes feeling so certain might rob an adolescent of the curiosity to discover something new about themself over time. In today’s culture, it seems there is a pressure for kids to have themselves all figured out—interests, passions, strengths, and weaknesses. There can be an anxiety accompanying this urgency to figure out who they are instead of letting it all naturally unfold.

Sometimes it’s more valuable for kids to recognize who they are not. Often that feels clearer to them—thinking, “I don’t know who I am, but I know that I’m not a sporty kid or a kid that likes cantaloupe, or sleepovers…”. Sometimes, getting to know oneself over time, is truly an accumulation of discoveries about who they are not.

This is helpful information—and the process of discovering who they are NOT is not as riddled with stress and anxiety .

Ask Yourself:

Did I feel pressure to know who I was at an early age?
At what age, did I feel clarity around my interests, preferences, and strengths?
Do I feel that I am still getting to know myself? Is that exciting or scary for me?
Who am I not?
Do I feel an urgency for my children to figure themselves out? Why?
Do I feel flexible about the unfolding of their personalities and interests over time?
Might my child enjoy thinking about who they are NOT?
How can I release this pressure valve and relax into letting them discover who they are at their own pace?
Could this be a fun family discussion at the dinner table?


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