Hello all,

Happy Spring! This time of year makes me think about longer days of light, spring blooms, and renewal, and the yearning for warmth and summer on the way….it also makes me brace for a higher level of stress for our students/children. This time of year the phone rings frequently for therapists working with teenagers—kids tend to be burnt out, tired, needing of a break, bracing for college admissions/rejections, and big papers/projects/AP Exams—not to mention championship games...spring concerts...selecting electives for summer school and fall…break-ups…friendship shifts…fretting over prom etc. You get the picture! They are exhausted and so are we at times❤️. How can we approach this Spring with more patience and tenderness for each other? How can we keep the big picture in mind for ourselves…and model that for our children? How can we instill confidence in them—“you’ve got this” message that shows them we believe in their ability to manage whatever comes their way? How can we slow ourselves down enough to connect with them, our partners, ourselves—and to remember how necessary and important this is in our ever-busy fast-paced world?

NOTEWORTHY ARTICLES

Interesting Article on the Importance of Friendships during Adolescence: The Outsize Influence of Your Middle-School Friends by Lydia Denworth, the Atlantic Magazine.
 
Great article and research around the importance of our children’s relationships during adolescence—how truly necessary they are and how the most vulnerable youth are the ones that do not have friends. Anecdotally, this rings true from what I see in our therapy practice in Hermosa Beach. Kids could be doing poorly at school, having family problems—yet if they have a strong peer support group, they can weather these challenges far better.

The article highlights a workaround—and that for kids who don’t have friends in sixth grade, there is a perceived threat that they won’t have friends in seventh grade…which triggers increases in anxiety and depression by eighth grade. It makes sense and highlights the importance of educators and parents to foster belonging and peer connection and collaboration.

The article also discusses the idea of Peer Presence as opposed to Peer Pressure—peers don’t even need to pressure each other, they merely need to be present—for adolescents to behave more recklessly/take more risks. However, the article points out that parents shouldn’t worry about peer pressure as much as they should be concerned with who their kids are hanging around with—“When kids hang around with students who get better grades, their own grades go up over time. Teenagers can also pressure one another not to do drugs. Of course, the reverse is also true.”

“Letters to My Younger Self: the College Freshman Trapped Behind Walls” by Kylie Parrini, Darling Magazine.
 
I just love this short, sweet read on one young woman’s reflection about the start of college. By the way, LOVE the magazine that it is published in called Darling. It would be a great gift subscription for an adolescent girl or college-aged girl. None of the images are retouched. All beautiful, real women—lots of good content, and journaling pages for reflections. Using in my practice! 

 “How to Overcome the Struggles of Midlife” by Chip Conle

This was a great read, especially as I approached another birthday this month! I loved his concept of “middlescence”, a middle life period that is full of transitions, just as we think of adolescence. He explores the rollercoaster of mid-life, the wise lessons of midlifers, how to change your mindset, let go of baggage, and discover what you have to offer. Hooray!

INSPIRATION

Brené Brown’s Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto—wow so powerful if we could parent this way, even mostly this way 😃. Brené Brown has lots of amazing and inspirational content on her website. 

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY

I hope you had a great International Women’s Day on March 8th!

PARENTING TIP

ASK YOURSELF:
 

• Whose problem is it?

• Who will grow if I solve it?

• What will they be deprived of it I solve the problem?

• What will they gain if I stay out of it?

PRACTICE UPDATES

This past month, I have had some incredible opportunities to hear some “greats" speak.

I heard Father Gregory Boyle Gregory speak at our local Distinguished Speaker Series. He is an American Roman Catholic priest of the Jesuit order. He is the founder and Director of Homeboy Industries, the world's largest gang intervention and rehabilitation program, and former pastor of Dolores Mission Church in Los Angeles. WOW. What an inspiring life, what a sense of humor, and what wisdom! He’s written many books and changed many lives for the better—Angelinos, check out his Homegirl Cafe for lunch sometime in downtown LA!

I also spent an incredible day at the Los Angeles Forum for Oprah’s 2020 Vision Tour…I laughed, I cried, and I learned! Was reminded of the power of living intentionally, truly taking time to have a vision for one’s life and set intentions for living a life of meaning, purpose, and connectedness. Great reminders!  To hear her own personal story of triumph over such hardships and pain was just so reaffirming to hear—we therapists as a community, hear resilience and triumph from our clients all the time (and honestly, we know these stories exist within us as healers ourselves and in the lives of our colleagues that are in the helping profession). It is powerful and keeps us coming back to work!! 

I recently gave a local talk on Parenting Adolescents: Fostering Connection while Maintaining Boundaries at Manhattan Beach Community Church.

I am also speaking to the National Charity League, South Bay Chapter this coming week on the Mother-Daughter Relationship and Signs of Distress in your Teen.

Currently, we have one opening in the Middle School Girls’ Group, one opening in both the High School Girls’ Group. Call if you have any questions.

Stay tuned for the possibility of a Mother’s Day workshop in May led by myself and Stacy Knupfer, AMFT…Imagining a Mother’s Day Reboot to help clarify values, heal old hurts, gain patience and empathy as mothers, and set intentions for our mothering. More info to come next month!

Best,
Leah