Hello all,

It is hard to believe we are approaching 8 weeks in Quarantine as I write this monthly newsletter. Such surreal and strange times! My sense of time feels so off—in some ways it feels as if we’ve been sheltering at home for a year and other times, the days and weeks seem to fly by in this new normal. I Hope you are physically healthy and mentally hanging on. 🙂

It seems that most people have emotional ups and downs currently—sometimes emotional at the drop of a hat, collectively weary, and also noticing the silver linings in calmer moments. It’s hard to offer perspective when we are in the midst of something so unusual…but I keep attempting to have an open and curious mindset during this period…what can I learn about myself and my loved ones during this time? What is this experience showing me about our collective experience? How will this time affect us all going forward?

I included many links this month—I’ve been looking for insight and inspiration everywhere so I am sharing the most thought-provoking articles and ideas that came across my desk this month. Take or leave whatever you’d like. 🙂

NOTEWORTHY ARTICLES

I’m struck by many things right now, but one is the shared emotional experience between myself and my clients. Never have I so viscerally related to so much of what my clients are experiencing. I feel connected to them in this shared experience and hear them in a deep way. I feel thankful for my consultation groups where I can process this experience with other therapists so that I can be clear and present for my client’s observations, struggles, and triumphs. While I find Telehealth a challenging platform to connect and comfort, I also feel fortunate we have an opportunity to still be there for our clients. I totally resonated with this article by Lori Gottlieb from the New York Times:
"In Psychotherapy, the Toilet Has Become the New Couch”

I read the following article a few weeks ago and it brought me to tears. Information is likely still relevant! I was particularly touched by the Norwegian leader that had a TV appearance for the children in her country.  A female response to this crisis is different—and the article helped me to understand that part of my own overwhelm was due to my feelings that our leadership on a national and community level, has not left me feeling comforted, held, or in good hands. No matter your political affiliation, this is an interesting read about leadership and it highlights some of the differences between the genders during this crisis.
What Do Countries With The Best Coronavirus Responses Have In Common? Women Leaders

“Turn Your Demanding Child Into a Productive Co-Worker”  By Michaeleen Doucleff, New York Times.
 
Well, this is a refreshing take on parenting in general—and especially during Quarantine. It’s hard to imagine a total shift for our nation in how we approach parenting young children…but there are certainly some takeaways that would be beneficial for us to incorporate. Personally, I noticed my parenting style shifted out of necessity by the time we got to our third child…I had less time to guide or participate in all of his play—and he is our most independent child and was always able to entertain himself for far longer periods of time than our older two children. Good suggestions and food for thought!

"The coronavirus pandemic is pushing America into a mental health crisis"—NO surprise here, unfortunately. May is Mental Health Awareness Month—let’s keep talking about this issue so that it does not get overlooked in this crisis! Our economy has been significantly affected, people are fearful (and that doesn’t bring out the best in everyone), domestic violence and child abuse are on the rise, poverty, and alcohol/drug use is increasing—lots of concern from a mental health standpoint. Always though, the collective human spirit and resilience are strong. I’m hopeful despite all the overwhelming news.  Let’s keep this important conversation going.

PARENTING INSPIRATION

This month, notice the following:
 

• What do I observe about my children’s emotional response during the pandemic?

• How are each of my children different from one another?

• What do they miss the most?

• How have they adapted?

• How are they reassured by us as parents? 

• What wasn’t serving them well before or felt like a grind?

• What type of quality time speaks to them right now?

• When they are overwhelmed, how does that show up for them?

• What do they enjoy the most during this quarantine?

• What new rituals or activities do we wish to keep as a family as life gets more back to life as we know it?

What I Learned From Being Off My Anxiety Meds in a Pandemic, How do I know therapy works? Because I’m surviving this. By Veronica Roth

Interesting read! Some mixed reviews from clinicians, but I thought a valuable perspective.

In honor of Mother’s Day this weekend…a collection of short essays from the NY Times on the life-changing event of becoming a mother. Sending love out to all the mothers, step-mothers, daughters who’ve lost mothers, aunties, grandmothers, daughters who will become mothers, women who are mothers and nurturers without birthing their own child, adoptive mothers, foster mothers, and women who struggle with miscarriage and infertility who want to be mothers. What a wonderful possibility we have in being female. ❤️

Anonymous wisdom for parents during COVID, from teens and young adults that I work with:

“It takes so much courage to ask for mental health help, especially from a parent. The best thing to do is to listen, understand, and support them. I think one of the most important aspects of this is patience and trust." - age 18
 
"Just be willing to listen and try to understand where they’re coming from." - age 21
 
"I’m touch starved! I’m used to locking arms with my friends and just goofing around..." - age 17

PARENTING TIPS

Subscribe to Challenge Success. Always interesting research, articles, and tips for parents and educators about learning, the college process, and success. Their e-blast this month had topics on:
 

• How To Take a Balanced Approach to College Admissions

• Tips to Manage College Admissions During COVID-19

• Honor Your Family’s Values about What Matters in College Selection

• Help Students Celebrate Rejections

• Support Your Teen During the Final Stretch of the College Admissions Process

• A Well-Balanced Perspective on College Fit

To find out more I have attached their Mission and Vision Statements below…what is not to love about this?

Our Mission

Challenge Success partners with schools, families, and communities to embrace a broad definition of success and to implement research-based strategies that promote student well-being and engagement with learning.

Our Vision
We know that every child has his or her own story and path to success. We believe that kids come with a wide variety of interests, skills, capacities, and talents. They need love, support, limits, and a safe environment to develop their full potential. This process of growing up is slow, deliberate, and often unpredictable, and therefore requires that kids have the time and energy needed to mature into resilient, caring, and purposeful adults. Challenge Success recognizes that our current fast-paced, high-pressure culture works against much of what we know about healthy child development and effective education. The overemphasis on grades, test scores, and rote answers has stressed out some kids and marginalized many more. We all want our kids to do well in school and to master certain skills and concepts, but our largely singular focus on academic achievement has resulted in a lack of attention to other components of a successful life—the ability to be independent, adaptable, ethical, and engaged critical thinkers. Our work helps to foster learners who are healthy, motivated, and prepared for the wide variety of tasks they will face as adults.

PRACTICE UPDATES

Meaghan, Stacy, and I continue to work from home in this “new normal.” We’re now in a rhythm doing Telehealth—supporting our current clients, doing Intakes online, and adding group members from this platform. We MISS our sweet office space and seeing our clients in person…and that is an understatement! We look forward to when we can offer a glass of water or a cup of hot tea, when we can bring snacks in for our girls’ groups, and offer a kleenex when someone is tearful. But, we still hear you and see you even through the screen! Deep gratitude to our clients who keep coming back despite the current hurdles. My small business can keep its virtual doors open thanks to all of you. ❤️
 
I’ve had some new opportunities this past month to support our community as they meet the challenges of COVID. I’ve co-led Two Coffee Chats online through Fusion Academy and South Bay Families Connected and one Wellness Chat for Beach Cities Health District employees.

Lots of discussion around anxiety, grief, and coping strategies during this time. There is no real way to cope your way out of this pandemic and the emotions it has brought up for people. Tools like mediation, exercise, and staying connected socially are wonderful and to be encouraged. Equally important, is to allow yourself to just sit with the uncomfortable emotions. Feel them, acknowledge the struggle, be curious about them...love the concept of being an Emotions Scientist vs being an Emotions Judge (Dr. Mark Brackett)—there is no room for judging or shaming ourselves and our emotions right now!

Just lean in.

Be curious about yourself and your loved ones.

Best,
Leah