December 2021
Happy Holidays!
I hope that you’ve been well ⭐
Here we are at the end of 2021…
On the one hand, I feel like there is so much to reflect upon—and on the other hand, I feel like I’ve been standing still all year and there’s not much to say!
Health remains ever important—in my world, the collective state of our mental health is front and center each and every day.
FEW TAKEAWAYS FROM 2021:
Kids and families are largely resilient
We are approaching almost two years of ongoing pandemic and it certainly has taken its toll
We are weary and the adrenaline is depleted—but we can do this!
Wow—our physical health and emotional health are closely related
It’s time to start living again, not waiting to live…this clearly isn’t going away
Gratitude ❤️
Limit media. Let me say it again—limit media.
No shortage of ways to be a helper during these challenging times, think of how can you get involved.
❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️
Holiday Mantras to Reduce Stress:
1. I celebrate abundance, and I’m open to receive all the love, joy, and nourishment of the holidays.
2. I love myself! I choose food, drink, exercise, and encounters that support my highest good.
3. I release my pain and forgive the past. I am free to love.
4. I am prosperous, and I give wisely with a generous heart.
5. I open my heart and accept others as they are.
6. Life is sweet and I enjoy it!
7. I accomplish tasks easily and effortlessly.
8. I choose uplifting, supportive encounters. I have the power to remove myself from any negative situations.
9. I choose the present and fill this moment with fun, joy, and light.
10. Gratitude awakens the good in my life.
-Chi Blog, Athleta
LEVITY
I’M GETTING TIRED OF BEING PART OF A MAJOR HISTORICAL EVENT.
A REFLECTION ON LONELINESS
The Loneliness of Twinkle Lights, Blog by Mari Andrew
Beautiful blog about loneliness… I think many of us can relate if we get quiet enough to reflect upon it. Many highly sensitive people present to therapy and enter this field as therapists and healers. I highly recommend Mari Andrew’s books and Instagram @bymariandrew.
HOLIDAY PARENTING TIP:
Consider a personalized note or 3x5 card for your children/partner this holiday season (could be a stocking stuffer!).
Complete some of these sentences:
I see you...
I hear you...
I witness you...
I watch you...
I love _______ about you
I appreciate...
I am proud...
I value...
I feel joyful when you...
Only positive affirmations of how you have seen them showing up this year! We all want to be seen, heard, and valued for who we really are! These have been exceptional times-- communicate your love to your precious few ❤️.
PRACTICE UPDATES:
Suite 217 has offered 2,717 appointments in 2021 to date! That is a lot of good work, listening, witnessing, and assisting during challenging times. I am ever proud of my three Associates and how we’ve all risen to the occasion during this moment when we’ve been called to extremely hard work!
Congratulations to Stacy Knupfer, newly licensed MFT! She just passed her exam and will be launching to her own space across the street in January. It is bittersweet—SO proud of Stacy, but we will miss her sparkle in our office for sure!
We will have a new Associate Social Worker join our practice in January—welcome Amanda Perez!
We are excited to welcome you aboard.
In January, I will be rolling out a new "form" of this newsletter! It will hit your Inbox each Monday and be something that you can consider in your approach with your children that week. I am calling it “A Lighter Touch with Leah”. This is for any parent that wants to level up their parenting, make simple shifts, hear their children more clearly, co-parent more effectively with their partner, and ultimately enhance their connection and attunement with their child.
Many parents need just subtle shifts in their mindset to have less conflict and more connection at home. My sweet spot is parenting adolescents, however, these tips can be used for parenting all ages of children.
I have spent twenty years in quiet rooms doing therapy with youth and I’m giving you all my take-aways. I practice these tips (imperfectly at times!) at home on my own parenting journey each and every day. This is a labor of love that might someday become a parenting class, blog, or book of some sort.
Please pass this on to friends, relatives, parents that might benefit, colleagues in the field, clients ❤️. I’d love to have this really reach people! Please forward this newsletter along and they can sign up for the e-blast by clicking the button below!
I promise not to flood your inbox and to send truly relevant content.
Happy holidays! Thank you for being a faithful reader!
Excited for the launch of “A Lighter Touch with Leah” in January 2022!
June 2021
Hello fellow travelers,
I hope that this finds you doing well-- looking hopefully toward summer and preparing for a bit of rest and relaxation. My, what a time it's been!! There's not much more to say than that😊.
I have missed writing my newsletter, but honestly, I couldn't squeeze one more task into my days lately! I am sure that many of you can relate. I feel like I am just starting to come up for air (from a professional stance and a "parenting in the pandemic" viewpoint). Sending you love as you settle back into yourselves and ease into summer.
Re-Entry Reminders from Parents
Over the past few months, I've conducted some Zoom Parenting talks for our local schools, often addressing Re-entry concerns for parents. Some children smoothly and happily transitioned back to hybrid learning, and some have not.
Some kids have not yet returned, and many of the concepts on this tip sheet may prove helpful for families that will have their kids rerunning to in-person school in the fall. Here is a useful handout that I created for South Bay Families Connected.
Upcoming Talk for South Bay Networking: Protective Factors for Adolescents
Summer of Re-connection
It is time to reconnect! With ourselves, our communities, and our friends and family. One fun idea could be to write a Summer Bucket List and tick the items off as you go this summer. We do this each year as a family, and it's always been a lot of fun. Download a sample Summer Bucket List courtesy of Play Party Plan.
New Resource: Center for Human Technology & Life Advice That Doesn't Suck
Are you as tortured by parenting around technology as I am? Sign up for this thoughtful commentary on how we can enjoy technology and be aware of pitfalls and ways to manage tech for ourselves and our families.
They argue:
As long as social media companies profit from addiction, depression, and division, our society will continue to be at risk.
Powerful stuff!
I suggest Mark Manson, Life Advice that Doesn’t Suck.
I was given his book The Art of Not Giving a F*ck…and find Manson’s irreverent and direct commentaries on life interesting and refreshing. You can sign up for his weekly e-blast or follow him on Instagram: @markmanson. He recently had a good counterargument about how social media is not the cause of all ills (like it is often portrayed), human behavior is the culprit. Good food for thought!
Summer Levity
New Book That I'm Excited About
The Lonely Century by Noreena Hertz
I heard this author speak today! Wow—it is staggering how many people in modern society feel lonely—and the incredible toll that takes on one’s mental and physical health. Feeling lonely is as toxic to one’s physical health as smoking 15 cigarettes per day!
This resonates with what I see in the office— particularly after 15 months of the pandemic. We are hard-wired for social connection...and we must work hard to ensure this in our lives and for those we care about and serve.
Practice Updates
The office is bustling—indoors, outdoors, on the balcony, in the courtyard, walk n'talk…the creative work and energy abound as we manage our full client loads! My #WorkTribe has worked so darn hard during the pandemic, and all are looking forward to some summer vacation to restore after a busy season! Thank you for being wonderful clients, for referring to us, networking with us, and keeping us in mind in the community.
We currently have three High School Girls' groups run by myself, Stacy, and Theresa. Meaghan continues to run a popular Middle School Girls' Group. There are openings and always some movement as kids feel better, graduate, and move on…please keep in mind!
Stacy and I ran our first Mother's Day workshop on the beach to help restore some local moms. We received great feedback, and it felt so good for us and the ladies who joined us!
May was Mental Health Awareness Month, and June is Pride Month. Yes! ❤️
Ever thankful to you for reading 😊,
Leah & the gals
December 2020
Greetings fellow travelers,
Hope that you were able to have a nice Thanksgiving—such a good time to count our blessings, even amid such a challenging time. It has been four months since my last Newsletter! Somehow, I’ve managed to fill the time 😉 — between managing online learning for our three children, working as a clinician during a mental health pandemic, and cooking more meals than I knew humanly possible! All kidding aside, it’s been a long few months and simultaneously, the weeks are flying by. Still feels totally surreal to me that we are 8 1/2 months into this pandemic (heavy sigh).
Wisdom? Not yet
Good days and hard days? Yes
Clarity on what is important to me and my loved ones? More and more each day
Sense of Humor? Trying!
Weary? Yes, most days
Relieved the toxic political season is almost over? Yes!
Hopeful? Always
Meaningful work? ❤️
One observation about us human beings—we sure like to feel like we are in control over our lives, health, destiny. I notice that before COVID we all were under the illusion that we had more control over our daily lives and health than we likely actually did. Bad things still used to happen—loved ones would get cancer, people would get in car accidents, others would lose jobs…In this moment, so many of us are trying so desperately hard to hang on to control because we feel out of control—this can look like hoarding, judging, increased anxiety, irritability, development of eating problems…how does this show up in your life? It’s interesting to get curious about this for yourself and your loved ones. Much of our suffering is tied to trying to control things that are largely out of our control or having unreasonable expectations that set us up for disappointment/upset.
I’ve been so proud of my associates over the past few months—balancing personal lives, work, self-care, their own challenges and responses to the pandemic, and navigating telehealth and in-person outdoors appointments for those clients that need and request it. It’s not an easy feat and not what they signed up for! In this newsletter, I am featuring a short blurb from each of them so that you can get to know them better. They are always a good referral source—eager to learn and gain hours, more affordable, and supervised by yours truly.
Surrendering Mantra
I am at peace.
I am at peace with not being at peace.
I am at peace with not being at peace. I am content.
Takeaways from recent talks on SEW during COVID
I recently gave a talk to the parents of Hermosa Beach City School District and Pacific Elementary in Manhattan Beach. It became clear as I looked at mental health data to prepare—that we (as a nation? as a state? as a county?) have prioritized the physical health of older adults over the emotional health of youth. I’m not judging this, as we all have older adults and compromised people that we love and want to keep safe…yet let’s not mistake the toll that it is taking on children, adolescents, and families. The stats are grim in terms of rising depression/anxiety/suicidality/substance abuse. I can get stuck in negativity and overwhelm if I stay here long, so I try to shift my energy towards focusing on what I can control for my family and the families that I serve. Below are the takeaways from my talk.
Some Levity
Don Landgren USA TODAY Network
New Resource: Walk & Talk Therapy with Theresa Goldstein, APCC
Have you heard of walk and talk therapy?
Walk and talk therapy is an alternative form of therapy for clients who might want to try something a little different. This type of therapy is helpful if you are struggling with depression, anxiety, stress, or difficulty with attention/intensity of a typical therapy session. Possibly you prefer meeting outside at the beach or in a park due to COVID issues. Walking can be beneficial during this time of year when we are all feeling a bit stuck inside, lacking energy and motivation, and want to help jump-start your mood and spirit. It is possible to walk distantly with our earbuds in and have a meaningful conversation if that feels most comfortable to you…or closer together with our masks on, in the fresh air.
Some of the benefits are:
endorphin release to make you feel better
staying present and being in the moment while in nature
raises serotonin and other neurotransmitter levels to boost your mood
connects your mind and body
If you are interested, Theresa is offering walk and talk to adults and teens locally in Hermosa Beach. Please call 818-806-8767 or email Therapytg@gmail.com for more information.
Parenting Inspiration from Stacy Knupfer, AMFT
COVID’S OTHER SYMPTOM:
PARENTAL BURNOUT
Parents, these are unprecedented times, so I’m going to keep it real. You cannot be perfect parents during a pandemic. In fact, you might need to be a little selfish. Parental burnout is real, and even more real during COVID. Symptoms include fatigue, depression, anxiety, forgetfulness, exhaustion, social isolation, resentment, irritability, headaches, issues with digestion, muscle tension, and sleeplessness. How do you prevent burnout? By prioritizing your own mental health and well-being needs before others. Think of it this way, when you fly on an airplane, the flight attendant always instructs you to put your own oxygen mask on first. Why? Because if you run out of oxygen, you can’t help anyone else. In order to cultivate the social and emotional needs of your child, you must first take care of your own mental and emotional needs.
Parents, please give yourself permission to do something just for YOU each day. Let me say that again for the people in the back—do something for yourself—Every. Single. Day. Take a walk, take a bath, listen to a podcast, read a book, go to bed a little earlier, wake up 30 minutes early to meditate, pray, or reflect, take an online yoga class, stretch while watching TV, put your phone on do- not -disturb, download a mindfulness app, do an art project, paint your nails, start a gratitude journal, FaceTime with friends, take a break from social media, pick a mantra that brings you comfort, but whatever you do, allow yourself some grace, partake in some daily self-care, and know that you don’t have to be a perfect parent. No one is.
Stacy Knupfer is an Associate Marriage Family Therapist, who has been working in our office for over a year now. As a mom of two, she loves working with moms, teens, and couples. She is seeing clients both virtually, and outside at our office. sitwithstace.com
Strategies for Coping with the Pandemic by Meaghan Sliva, APCC
Families are dealing with so much right now-- implementing healthy coping strategies is essential. Below are some tips and tools to use at home to help your child or teen cope with the pandemic.
For Children:
Read books! Books are a great way to open a conversation about feelings with children. They help identify how specific feelings feel in our bodies, what they look like, and various ways to cope.
Create a “calm corner” or “calm toolbox” at home. A calm corner is a designated space where children can practice self-regulation by utilizing various tools to manage strong feelings like anger and frustration. Take a look at this website for ideas on how to create your own calm corner: Calm Corner At Home or toolbox: Building a Coping Toolbox.
For Children & Teens:
Routine. Creating and sticking to a daily routine provides structure and consistency which can help with stress and anxiety. This includes bedtime routines, mealtimes, exercise, etc.
Stay socially connected. Encourage your child(ren) to maintain friendships and relationships by staying connected. This may be especially difficult right now given the recent Stay-At-Home order; however, it can be done via telephone, safely in-person with distancing outdoors, social media, and/or video platforms. Having a virtual lunch break, study break, or play date can improve our mental health and well-being. Try researching virtual clubs, etc. to see what's currently available - see the flyer below for information on the middle school girl's group I run: Caring Conversations & Connections.
Set a daily intention. Focus on the things you can control by starting each day with a meaningful goal or intention to accomplish.
Exercise/Hobbies. Getting outside and going on a hike, bike ride, run, or even a walk around the neighborhood can greatly benefit our physical and mental health as well as our mood. Finding a hobby such as baking, art, gardening, or journaling can also be a healthy coping strategy.
Lastly, be present with your child(ren). We can’t solve our child(ten)’s problems or “fix” their feelings. Sometimes, what they may need most is a comforting adult to just sit with them and listen.
Favorite New Song
“You’ll Never Walk Alone” by Marcus Mumford from an awesome new show, Ted Lasso. If you haven’t seen this show, treat yourself and check it out!!
Practice Update
We carry on in Suite 219! We love our new space—enjoying Telehealth from the comfort of our new offices, rotating outdoors on our balcony for clients that request in-person appointments, and reveling in the comforts of our own sink, coffee maker, mini-fridge, and microwave. These small comforts make a big difference as we recharge in between sessions!
Stacy is busy with women, mothers, couples, and adolescents primarily. Meaghan is steady with a flow of teen girls and is launching her Middle School Girls’ Group again (this is starting virtually and will move to in-person soon hopefully). She has some openings if anyone needs a referral for a middle school girl—to build her social skills and connection during this challenging time. Theresa is settling into the practice, working primarily with children and adolescents doing play therapy/art therapy. Leah keeps challenged with her clients, High School Girls’ Group, clinical supervision, and local parenting talks. We feel SO grateful to have meaningful work each day! Truly ❤️.
Wishing you and yours a wonderful holiday season-health, hope, peace, and love. Sending strength to those who’ve lost loved ones or are separated from those they love this season. Bring on 2021! I’ll leave you with a picture of our balcony therapy space at sunset—it’s truly beautiful with our twinkle lights, the ocean view and breezes, and a warm comfy blanket…it is as sacred space as one can imagine for the healing time in therapy. One of my favorite silver linings…
Best,
Leah
August 2020
Hello there,
Wow--the distance we’ve traveled over the last few months together ❤️.
I’ve been quiet for a few months as I continue to gather my thoughts and wits about me—as I navigate parenting and homeschooling, working as a therapist and clinical supervisor, and fine-tune my best coping strategies as a grown adult in the middle of a pandemic.
If I’m being honest, I’ve been messy…my family has been messy…and my clients have been messy…and that’s on a pretty good day. There will be time for wisdom, insight, and clarity as the world settles, but for now--I have learned to become thrilled when I have moments of calm, safety, humor, and connection.
Trying to move from “surviving” to “thriving” now that we are almost five months in…trying to shift my thinking into tolerating and accepting this new normal (instead of wishing for all to be different)...trying to make the best of it and see the beauty all around me. It is there if we chose to see it amidst the noise and distraction…and I hope that it will help pave the way forward for our collective humanity!
Marc Murphy USA TODAY Network
USA TODAY Network
Noteworthy Articles
Thoughts to Ponder: Resilience
This is a simple article with great reminders about resilience: “4 Daily Practices that Foster Emotional Resilience” by Sarah Goff-Dupont-Atlassian. Very important right now! If these strategies don’t come naturally to you or your children, they can be learned and increased over time ❤️.
Some Levity
“Kids, use your inside-for-who-the-#!@*-knows-how-long voice, please.”
Parenting During Pandemic—this comic says it all! Sending strength to all the parents out there. Breathe. Unprecedented times. Try to do your best and remember that your kids are doing their best too. Some days are better than others. Put on your own oxygen mask first. This too shall pass. Good luck with the start of school this fall!
Parenting Resources
Developing Flexible and Compassionate Thinking for Adolescents
Love this handout—it is a good starting point with teens, especially as you have conversations about the serious topics swirling around right now! I have used this in my groups with success and the dialogue has been rich.
Raising Racial Consciousness
I have been deeply moved by the murder of George Floyd and countless others, peaceful protests, and rioting. To live in Los Angeles County during this period has been intense, to say the least. Our nation was primed to explode over this issue of racial violence—and I’m hopeful that our citizens will use this as an opportunity to listen, learn, grow, heal, and find a way towards prioritizing equality and a more peaceful connection with one another. So much work to do, so overwhelming at times—but we can’t stay stuck for long, let’s get to work on our part of the solution.
Let’s raise more evolved children that are sensitive, loving, and racially aware.
In my house, we are learning and leaning into difficult conversations with one another. My husband and I read White Fragility by De’Angelo. We also read Discrimination and Disparity by Thomas Sowell. Both powerful reads on so many levels. Then I read the article, “The Dehumanizing Condescension of White Fragility" by John McWhorter. I thought it was an interesting counterpoint argument to the White Fragility perspective. I highly recommend all to get the wheels turning!
As your wheels turn, you will engage your children and community in more thoughtful discussion and change. Change = hope! I found an engaging podcast by Krista Tippitt, On Being—truly worth a listen about this important topic.
My head is swimming in new information…and I’m not sure what to make of it all, BUT—at the very least, we can all use this time as an opportunity to educate ourselves and begin some open dialogue at home and in our communities.
Inspiration
Mantras for Healing
COVID-19 Film: A Message of Hope 🌟
Hope. There it is! I always arrive back at its door...
Enjoy this video about hope. This time is an opportunity and a nudge to get still, get clear, and shine a light on the path moving forward. What is illuminated will be different for each of us. Contemplate these questions:
How can you carve out meaningful space and stillness when you have young children at home with no school or structure?
If the achiest part of your body could speak, what would it say to you right now? How can you adjust and honor your body and what it tells you?
How can you tolerate your partner’s coping styles, that might be different from your own?
How can you assist your children or teenagers in finding calm ways to reflect and process right now? Do not ignore their emotional experience.
How does spirituality play into your sense of calm or overwhelm? Where do you connect with your spirit—Nature? Reading? Prayer? Journaling? Walking? How can you get more of this right now?
How can you experience joy, play, and connection during this time?
Practice Updates
Lots of big news to report for our small, but mighty little group practice! I have officially taken the step to become Leah M. Niehaus, LCSW & Associates, Inc. Much overdue to actually become a corporation, but now it is happening!
The timing wasn’t great for my lease to come due for renewal—hard to make a decision in light of COVID, but a decision had to be made. In September, we will say goodbye to my one-room office and move to a three-room office suite with a waiting room and kitchen area, in the same building! We are all excited for the new space, with its bright light and welcoming feel…we just hope that eventually, we will greet our clients there in person! Optimism and growth abound ❤️…and the increased need for solid mental health support during this pandemic is no joke. It is truly something to live through and experience alongside our clients.
A heartfelt welcome to Theresa Goldstein, APCC! She has joined Meaghan, Stacy, and I—and we couldn’t be more thrilled. She comes to us with great experience working with children, adolescents, families, women, and geriatric clients. She especially loves doing expressive arts therapy, mindful parenting, and working with perinatal depression and anxiety. She has a warm and gentle spirit and will be a great addition to the office! I have discovered how much I love the work of clinical supervision over the years—it is such fun to help “grow” a clinician…witness their transformation and see how they enrich the lives of those they touch. Honored to have these ladies on board! Check her out on my website.
We are still primarily Telehealth, but on a case by case basis when clients request—we will consider whether an in-person appointment makes sense. Getting the office up to speed with COVID protocols for the future. Inquire if you have questions or Telehealth isn’t working for you or your loved one.
Leah’s High School Girls’ Group and Meaghan’s Middle School Girls’ Group are still running online. There are openings in both groups! Providing much support to some isolated teens that look forward to the therapeutic time! Please reach out if you have a referral!
Take good care.
Best,
Leah
May 2020
Hello all,
It is hard to believe we are approaching 8 weeks in Quarantine as I write this monthly newsletter. Such surreal and strange times! My sense of time feels so off—in some ways it feels as if we’ve been sheltering at home for a year and other times, the days and weeks seem to fly by in this new normal. I Hope you are physically healthy and mentally hanging on. 🙂
It seems that most people have emotional ups and downs currently—sometimes emotional at the drop of a hat, collectively weary, and also noticing the silver linings in calmer moments. It’s hard to offer perspective when we are in the midst of something so unusual…but I keep attempting to have an open and curious mindset during this period…what can I learn about myself and my loved ones during this time? What is this experience showing me about our collective experience? How will this time affect us all going forward?
I included many links this month—I’ve been looking for insight and inspiration everywhere so I am sharing the most thought-provoking articles and ideas that came across my desk this month. Take or leave whatever you’d like. 🙂
NOTEWORTHY ARTICLES
I’m struck by many things right now, but one is the shared emotional experience between myself and my clients. Never have I so viscerally related to so much of what my clients are experiencing. I feel connected to them in this shared experience and hear them in a deep way. I feel thankful for my consultation groups where I can process this experience with other therapists so that I can be clear and present for my client’s observations, struggles, and triumphs. While I find Telehealth a challenging platform to connect and comfort, I also feel fortunate we have an opportunity to still be there for our clients. I totally resonated with this article by Lori Gottlieb from the New York Times:
"In Psychotherapy, the Toilet Has Become the New Couch”
I read the following article a few weeks ago and it brought me to tears. Information is likely still relevant! I was particularly touched by the Norwegian leader that had a TV appearance for the children in her country. A female response to this crisis is different—and the article helped me to understand that part of my own overwhelm was due to my feelings that our leadership on a national and community level, has not left me feeling comforted, held, or in good hands. No matter your political affiliation, this is an interesting read about leadership and it highlights some of the differences between the genders during this crisis.
What Do Countries With The Best Coronavirus Responses Have In Common? Women Leaders
“Turn Your Demanding Child Into a Productive Co-Worker” By Michaeleen Doucleff, New York Times.
Well, this is a refreshing take on parenting in general—and especially during Quarantine. It’s hard to imagine a total shift for our nation in how we approach parenting young children…but there are certainly some takeaways that would be beneficial for us to incorporate. Personally, I noticed my parenting style shifted out of necessity by the time we got to our third child…I had less time to guide or participate in all of his play—and he is our most independent child and was always able to entertain himself for far longer periods of time than our older two children. Good suggestions and food for thought!
"The coronavirus pandemic is pushing America into a mental health crisis"—NO surprise here, unfortunately. May is Mental Health Awareness Month—let’s keep talking about this issue so that it does not get overlooked in this crisis! Our economy has been significantly affected, people are fearful (and that doesn’t bring out the best in everyone), domestic violence and child abuse are on the rise, poverty, and alcohol/drug use is increasing—lots of concern from a mental health standpoint. Always though, the collective human spirit and resilience are strong. I’m hopeful despite all the overwhelming news. Let’s keep this important conversation going.
PARENTING INSPIRATION
This month, notice the following:
What do I observe about my children’s emotional response during the pandemic?
How are each of my children different from one another?
What do they miss the most?
How have they adapted?
How are they reassured by us as parents?
What wasn’t serving them well before or felt like a grind?
What type of quality time speaks to them right now?
When they are overwhelmed, how does that show up for them?
What do they enjoy the most during this quarantine?
What new rituals or activities do we wish to keep as a family as life gets more back to life as we know it?
What I Learned From Being Off My Anxiety Meds in a Pandemic, How do I know therapy works? Because I’m surviving this. By Veronica Roth
Interesting read! Some mixed reviews from clinicians, but I thought a valuable perspective.
In honor of Mother’s Day this weekend…a collection of short essays from the NY Times on the life-changing event of becoming a mother. Sending love out to all the mothers, step-mothers, daughters who’ve lost mothers, aunties, grandmothers, daughters who will become mothers, women who are mothers and nurturers without birthing their own child, adoptive mothers, foster mothers, and women who struggle with miscarriage and infertility who want to be mothers. What a wonderful possibility we have in being female. ❤️
Anonymous wisdom for parents during COVID, from teens and young adults that I work with:
“It takes so much courage to ask for mental health help, especially from a parent. The best thing to do is to listen, understand, and support them. I think one of the most important aspects of this is patience and trust." - age 18
"Just be willing to listen and try to understand where they’re coming from." - age 21
"I’m touch starved! I’m used to locking arms with my friends and just goofing around..." - age 17
PARENTING TIPS
Subscribe to Challenge Success. Always interesting research, articles, and tips for parents and educators about learning, the college process, and success. Their e-blast this month had topics on:
How To Take a Balanced Approach to College Admissions
Tips to Manage College Admissions During COVID-19
Honor Your Family’s Values about What Matters in College Selection
Help Students Celebrate Rejections
Support Your Teen During the Final Stretch of the College Admissions Process
A Well-Balanced Perspective on College Fit
To find out more I have attached their Mission and Vision Statements below…what is not to love about this?
Our Mission
Challenge Success partners with schools, families, and communities to embrace a broad definition of success and to implement research-based strategies that promote student well-being and engagement with learning.
Our Vision
We know that every child has his or her own story and path to success. We believe that kids come with a wide variety of interests, skills, capacities, and talents. They need love, support, limits, and a safe environment to develop their full potential. This process of growing up is slow, deliberate, and often unpredictable, and therefore requires that kids have the time and energy needed to mature into resilient, caring, and purposeful adults. Challenge Success recognizes that our current fast-paced, high-pressure culture works against much of what we know about healthy child development and effective education. The overemphasis on grades, test scores, and rote answers has stressed out some kids and marginalized many more. We all want our kids to do well in school and to master certain skills and concepts, but our largely singular focus on academic achievement has resulted in a lack of attention to other components of a successful life—the ability to be independent, adaptable, ethical, and engaged critical thinkers. Our work helps to foster learners who are healthy, motivated, and prepared for the wide variety of tasks they will face as adults.
PRACTICE UPDATES
Meaghan, Stacy, and I continue to work from home in this “new normal.” We’re now in a rhythm doing Telehealth—supporting our current clients, doing Intakes online, and adding group members from this platform. We MISS our sweet office space and seeing our clients in person…and that is an understatement! We look forward to when we can offer a glass of water or a cup of hot tea, when we can bring snacks in for our girls’ groups, and offer a kleenex when someone is tearful. But, we still hear you and see you even through the screen! Deep gratitude to our clients who keep coming back despite the current hurdles. My small business can keep its virtual doors open thanks to all of you. ❤️
I’ve had some new opportunities this past month to support our community as they meet the challenges of COVID. I’ve co-led Two Coffee Chats online through Fusion Academy and South Bay Families Connected and one Wellness Chat for Beach Cities Health District employees.
Lots of discussion around anxiety, grief, and coping strategies during this time. There is no real way to cope your way out of this pandemic and the emotions it has brought up for people. Tools like mediation, exercise, and staying connected socially are wonderful and to be encouraged. Equally important, is to allow yourself to just sit with the uncomfortable emotions. Feel them, acknowledge the struggle, be curious about them...love the concept of being an Emotions Scientist vs being an Emotions Judge (Dr. Mark Brackett)—there is no room for judging or shaming ourselves and our emotions right now!
Just lean in.
Be curious about yourself and your loved ones.
Best,
Leah
April 2020
Hello all,
Happy Spring! This time of year makes me think about longer days of light, spring blooms, and renewal, and the yearning for warmth and summer on the way….it also makes me brace for a higher level of stress for our students/children. This time of year the phone rings frequently for therapists working with teenagers—kids tend to be burnt out, tired, needing of a break, bracing for college admissions/rejections, and big papers/projects/AP Exams—not to mention championship games...spring concerts...selecting electives for summer school and fall…break-ups…friendship shifts…fretting over prom etc. You get the picture! They are exhausted and so are we at times❤️. How can we approach this Spring with more patience and tenderness for each other? How can we keep the big picture in mind for ourselves…and model that for our children? How can we instill confidence in them—“you’ve got this” message that shows them we believe in their ability to manage whatever comes their way? How can we slow ourselves down enough to connect with them, our partners, ourselves—and to remember how necessary and important this is in our ever-busy fast-paced world?
NOTEWORTHY ARTICLES
Interesting Article on the Importance of Friendships during Adolescence: The Outsize Influence of Your Middle-School Friends by Lydia Denworth, the Atlantic Magazine.
Great article and research around the importance of our children’s relationships during adolescence—how truly necessary they are and how the most vulnerable youth are the ones that do not have friends. Anecdotally, this rings true from what I see in our therapy practice in Hermosa Beach. Kids could be doing poorly at school, having family problems—yet if they have a strong peer support group, they can weather these challenges far better.
The article highlights a workaround—and that for kids who don’t have friends in sixth grade, there is a perceived threat that they won’t have friends in seventh grade…which triggers increases in anxiety and depression by eighth grade. It makes sense and highlights the importance of educators and parents to foster belonging and peer connection and collaboration.
The article also discusses the idea of Peer Presence as opposed to Peer Pressure—peers don’t even need to pressure each other, they merely need to be present—for adolescents to behave more recklessly/take more risks. However, the article points out that parents shouldn’t worry about peer pressure as much as they should be concerned with who their kids are hanging around with—“When kids hang around with students who get better grades, their own grades go up over time. Teenagers can also pressure one another not to do drugs. Of course, the reverse is also true.”
“Letters to My Younger Self: the College Freshman Trapped Behind Walls” by Kylie Parrini, Darling Magazine.
I just love this short, sweet read on one young woman’s reflection about the start of college. By the way, LOVE the magazine that it is published in called Darling. It would be a great gift subscription for an adolescent girl or college-aged girl. None of the images are retouched. All beautiful, real women—lots of good content, and journaling pages for reflections. Using in my practice!
“How to Overcome the Struggles of Midlife” by Chip Conle
This was a great read, especially as I approached another birthday this month! I loved his concept of “middlescence”, a middle life period that is full of transitions, just as we think of adolescence. He explores the rollercoaster of mid-life, the wise lessons of midlifers, how to change your mindset, let go of baggage, and discover what you have to offer. Hooray!
INSPIRATION
Brené Brown’s Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto—wow so powerful if we could parent this way, even mostly this way 😃. Brené Brown has lots of amazing and inspirational content on her website.
HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY
I hope you had a great International Women’s Day on March 8th!
PARENTING TIP
ASK YOURSELF:
Whose problem is it?
Who will grow if I solve it?
What will they be deprived of it I solve the problem?
What will they gain if I stay out of it?
PRACTICE UPDATES
This past month, I have had some incredible opportunities to hear some “greats" speak.
I heard Father Gregory Boyle Gregory speak at our local Distinguished Speaker Series. He is an American Roman Catholic priest of the Jesuit order. He is the founder and Director of Homeboy Industries, the world's largest gang intervention and rehabilitation program, and former pastor of Dolores Mission Church in Los Angeles. WOW. What an inspiring life, what a sense of humor, and what wisdom! He’s written many books and changed many lives for the better—Angelinos, check out his Homegirl Cafe for lunch sometime in downtown LA!
I also spent an incredible day at the Los Angeles Forum for Oprah’s 2020 Vision Tour…I laughed, I cried, and I learned! Was reminded of the power of living intentionally, truly taking time to have a vision for one’s life and set intentions for living a life of meaning, purpose, and connectedness. Great reminders! To hear her own personal story of triumph over such hardships and pain was just so reaffirming to hear—we therapists as a community, hear resilience and triumph from our clients all the time (and honestly, we know these stories exist within us as healers ourselves and in the lives of our colleagues that are in the helping profession). It is powerful and keeps us coming back to work!!
I recently gave a local talk on Parenting Adolescents: Fostering Connection while Maintaining Boundaries at Manhattan Beach Community Church.
I am also speaking to the National Charity League, South Bay Chapter this coming week on the Mother-Daughter Relationship and Signs of Distress in your Teen.
Currently, we have one opening in the Middle School Girls’ Group, one opening in both the High School Girls’ Group. Call if you have any questions.
Stay tuned for the possibility of a Mother’s Day workshop in May led by myself and Stacy Knupfer, AMFT…Imagining a Mother’s Day Reboot to help clarify values, heal old hurts, gain patience and empathy as mothers, and set intentions for our mothering. More info to come next month!
Best,
Leah
March 2020
Hello all,
Greetings to you today. I hope this newsletter finds you healthy and calm, despite the public health crisis and collective overwhelm. We are in uncertain and unprecedented times to be sure. I have lots of thoughts and emotional reactions swirling in my own head right now—just want to collect a few key ideas and a little hope for you today. I had a whole March newsletter ready to go last week that centered around middle school friendships, how to combat springtime stress for teenagers (often a time of increased anxiety with school, AP exams, college acceptances, and rejections), and mid-life searching for meaning. As the hours unfolded the end of last week, it felt like the content for my newsletter needed an entire shift!! All of sudden, all three of my kids were home for homeschool….mental health practitioners were moving to complete Telehealth platforms instead of in-person meetings…and the world was slowly shutting down and practicing “social distancing.”
There is no doubt that time has slowed down. Spouses are working from home, children are learning at home, and we have more time alone with our precious few. For some families, this is a huge emotional strain—possibly it’s hard to be with a spouse when you are disconnected with one another, hard to teach your children when they have special needs, or you have a high need for personal space and all this “family time” is overwhelming you. Sending strength to all of you—be curious about what you learn about yourself during this challenging time. Maybe you will reconnect, strengthen bonds, increase your capacity for empathy for yourself and others. All challenges can be an opportunity for growth if we allow it.
For many, it may become a cherished period in one’s life (assuming that one is healthy and not suffering from Coronavirus)—where we are forced to SLOW DOWN. This is an opportunity for our culture to reset our priorities and re-evaluate what truly makes us tick and how we want to spend our time moving forward. There are aspects about the quarantine/“social distancing” that are positive: more rest, less commuting, time with family, cooking all meals at home, no organized sports or activities allows for creative play/reading/walks and jogs/quality time…the list goes on. It is a time to look inward and help guide your children in the same direction. What can we learn about ourselves during this time? What observations can we write down that will inform the way we carry on in the future when things get more “back to normal?” What do we observe about the personalities of our children during this time? How can we calm and cope during a crisis? How have we coped in the past that is helping us now? What are the unique ways that our children are coping and what can we learn from them? How can we stay in the present moment and not jump to a fear reaction from an emotional, financial, and parenting perspective?
NOTEWORTHY ARTICLES
“Quarantine has Serious Impact on Mental Health. Here’s How to Support Yourself and Others” by Olivia Goldhill.
Relevant read.
“Parents Need Stress Relief Too” by Jessica Grose, NY Times.
Highlights some good reminders during this most unique parenting time! Parents, be patient with yourselves and patient with your kids!! You can do this.
Love this article “What If…” by Gurpreet K. Gill.
Lots of good ideas for contemplation. What would your “What If…” article say? What if you created an activity to do with your child where they could write the lessons/contemplations they have living through this pandemic?
“Coronavirus News has Us Anxious and Sad. Here Are 11 Things We’ve Seen that Have Lifted Our Spirits.” Washington Post article.
❤️ LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS ARTICLE. ❤️
SOME LEVITY
PARENTING TIPS
Use this time with your kids to develop other skills and focus on Social-Emotional Intelligence (which has been proven to be more effective in life success and happiness than classical learning of subject matters).
Increase household chores: teach them how to do the laundry, cook, garden, clean. Will help them when they launch from your home!
Play board games and do puzzles together. Dance parties. Family TV shows.
Lots of extra time for loving and playing with pets
Write some letters to loved ones—grandparents, far away friends
Find a Pen Pal: https://kidworldcitizen.org/pen-pal-programs
Common Sense Media Coronavirus Resources: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/resources-for-families-during-the-coronavirus-pandem
A few fun tools at mealtime (most can be ordered from Amazon):
52 Essential Conversations: A Social-Emotional Learning Game to prepare children for life and transform quality time
You Gotta Be Kidding! The Crazy Card Game of “Would You Rather…?”
Relative Insanity Game (for adolescents and families)
Positive Messages for Kids-52 engaging playful cards by Renegade Mama
How Values Light the Way exercise by Brené Brown. http://jillcowie.snappages.com/blog/2019/08/21/brene-browns-value-exercise & https://www.pinterest.com/pin/89860955050152275/
Family Love Language Quizzes: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/?child#discovery-child
Grounding Techniques: https://drsarahallen.com/7-ways-to-calm
Discussions around Presence, Gratitude, Faith, & Resilience
Stacy, Meaghan, and I will be doing Telehealth sessions for the time being. Please know that we are there for those in the community who need support. I have even discovered a HIPAA compliant platform to conduct our group therapy sessions—hooray! The collective experience and support are important during this time.
Sending good wishes for health, love, support, strength, and faith during this trying time. There is so much good in the world, despite the chaos. Search for the good always!
Let’s take good care of ourselves, support our valiant health care workers, our isolated loved ones in hospitals, our seniors that can’t receive visitors or need help with groceries, our impoverished families who aren’t getting paid or don’t have enough food, small business owners that are fearful…LOTS of good that we can do to help do our part right now.
Don’t get stuck, get moving, and keep doing the next right thing for yourself and your family.
Best,
Leah
February 2020
Hello all,
I hope this newsletter finds you in a good space. Enjoy these ideas/articles for this month ❤️.
I am thinking about love this month, especially with Valentine’s approaching—how we feel when we have abundant love in our lives and how lonely we can feel without it.
Contemplating all the kinds of love—romantic love, love for one’s children, and the love of friendship. All SO important in our lives—what if we set an intention to connect more with others and work on our relationships so that we felt more cherished every day?
NOTEWORTHY ARTICLES
Are you or your child a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)? Over recent years, the work of Dr. Elaine Aron has become more well-known and the concepts are helpful in my work and parenting. The concept of HSP is especially relevant when identifying overwhelm in ourselves or in our children.
Sometimes understanding this idea can make a meaningful shift in how we/or our loved ones feel and experience the world. Dr. Aron has a book and many online resources available if you are interested.
Is this you?
Are you easily overwhelmed by such things as bright lights, strong smells, coarse fabrics, or sirens nearby?
Do you get rattled when you have a lot to do in a short amount of time?
Do you make a point of avoiding violent movies and TV shows?
Do you need to withdraw during busy days, into bed or a darkened room or some other place where you can have privacy and relief from the situation?
Do you make it a high priority to arrange your life to avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations?
Do you notice or enjoy delicate or fine scents, tastes, sounds, or works of art?
Do you have a rich and complex inner life?
When you were a child, did your parents or teachers see you as sensitive or shy?
If this piques your interest, take the ONLINE QUIZ to learn more.
INSPIRATION
"How do you spell 'love'?" – Piglet
"You don't spell it. You feel it." – Pooh (A.A. Milne)
POETRY
“Little Dog’s Rhapsody in the Night” by Mary Oliver from Dog Songs
He puts his cheek against mine
and makes small, expressive sounds.
And when I’m awake, or awake enough
he turns upside down, his four paws
in the air and his eyes dark and fervent.
“Tell me you love me,” he says.
“Tell me again.”
Could there be a sweeter arrangement? Over and over he gets to ask.
I get to tell.
The unconditional love that we feel from our pets is not to be dismissed! Lifesaving for some. Mutually beneficial. Oxytocin abounds when we look into the eyes of our pets! Often, my dogs are just what I need...Here is pic of my beloved dogs, Daphne and Gracie.
BEST PARENTING BOOKS
The Five Love Languages of Teens by Gary Chapman
From the Back Cover:
Struggling to connect with your teen?
Never before has raising teens been so perplexing. If you are wondering what on earth you’re doing wrong, you’re not alone. But there is hope. By learning to meaningfully express love amid your teen’s many changes, you can stay connected, maintain influence, and help them grow into a healthy adult.
Dr. Gary Chapman will help you:
Understand today’s teenagers
Identify your teen’s primary love language
Discover how to best express love to your teen
Address your teen’s need for independence and responsibility
Respond with love and wisdom when your teen fails
Raising teens is tough, but with Dr. Chapman’s expert advice and practical examples, you can do it—and do it well.
Fun Fact: I will be leading my High School Girls’ Group through a discussion this week to figure out what love language speaks to them… We’ll discuss how this information can positively impact their family relationships, friendships, and dating relationships.
TED TALK
I’m always working on Radical Self-Love with teenagers (and women for that matter!). I truly enjoyed Gala Darling’s 2012 TED Talk “Radical Self Love". She talks about her own journey as a struggling teenager, with an eating disorder and self-injury…to a woman that accepts herself and spreads a hopeful message of self-love. At the end of the day, our most important relationship is with ourselves—it is time well spent to get to know ourselves and develop love and gratitude for ourselves.
PARENTING TIP
With adolescents, begin moving yourself from a “manager” role to a “consultant” role. With young children, we tend to organize and manage their lives, activities, and experiences. With adolescents, we must relinquish the reins a bit and trust that our children can begin making more and more of their own decisions (while trusting that we’ve instilled the values to help them navigate the world).
We have to earn the right to be a “consultant” for them, which is largely based on respect for their growing independence, trying to take an open and flexible stance, being a good listener, seeing them for who they truly are, and not expecting perfection. This is hard, but possible!!
Consider a Family Valentine’s Night—cooking a favorite meal and small gestures to let your loved ones know that you are thinking of them. A thoughtful, hand-written card is intimate and appreciated.
PRACTICE UPDATES
All is well in Suite 206. Rebecca Ruben has launched (sigh!) and Meaghan and Stacy are thriving.
Meaghan has two openings in the Middle School Group; I have one opening in the Wed High School Girls’ group, and Stacy has two openings in Thursday High School Girls’ Group.
We know our practice is known for lending lots of support to adolescents and their families—we do love that work! Stacy and Leah also like to work with young adults, women, and mothers. Thank you for keeping us in mind.
I am giving a talk on Thursday, February 27th on Parenting Adolescents: How to Connect with Them While Setting Boundaries, Manhattan Beach Community Church, 7 pm. Open to the community.
I hope to connect with you soon!
Leah
January 2020
Hello all,
Happy New Year! I hope that you had a restful and joyful holiday season. Here we are already in a new year — 2020 — and a new decade! A wonderful opportunity to think about what our intentions and goals might be for ourselves in the short and long term.
Some great articles caught my eye this month…an inspiring TED Talk about trauma and a new documentary called CRACKED UP…and the best parenting books of the decade by NY Times. Enjoy❤️!
NOTEWORTHY ARTICLES
This first article is called “10 Years of Fertility Advances” by Julia Calderone. This article truly reminds us of the advances this decade in terms of conception, infertility, and treating women’s health issues. Many couples struggle with infertility, loss, miscarriage, and medical traumas in their quest to become parents—these wounds often show up in the therapy space for healing. Informative article.
"10 Years of Fertility Advances" by Julia Calderone
The article “I Killed My Teenager’s Fancy College Dreams. You Should, Too” by Melody Warnick—was a refreshing read about how out of balance our culture is in terms of the debt we will accumulate (and will encourage our children to accumulate) to send them to their dream college. This mother is honest about how hard it is to say “no" to an expensive art school for her daughter, but how necessary it was for their family—and smart long term for all involved. Lots of pressure in the South Bay about how many schools to apply to, how to get into prestigious schools, and that dreams must be fulfilled pronto for all hard-working kids. Interesting spin on this emotional topic.
"I Killed My Teenager's Fancy College Dreams. You Should, Too" by Melody Warnick
“The Rage Mothers Don’t Talk About” by Minna Dubin. WOW. So honest and powerful. Love this mother’s accounts of her efforts—trying everything to deal with her mother rage and the shame that she has about her challenges at home with her children. So common and yet not talked about much. I loved this raw account of the challenge of raising young ones and the hope that we can get calmer, especially as we heal some wounded parts of ourselves.
"The Rage Mothers Don't Talk About" by Minna Dubin
Lastly, a short piece about winter, darkness, stillness, and finding the light.
"Winter Solstice and a New Moon: A Time for Stillness"
BEST PARENTING BOOKS
The NY Times list of Best Parenting Books of the Decade…some great ones listed here. I like anything by Madline Levine and Alfie Kohn…and HOW TO RAISE AN ADULT had some great concepts.
Book List
TED TALK
Inspiring TED Talk by Michelle Esrick, filmmaker of documentary CRACKED UP. The film is about Darrell Hammond’s life—the famous Saturday Night Live comedian—and his childhood trauma, its effects on his emotional life, and how he has worked towards healing.
PARENTING TIP
Consider taking a few moments over mealtime to ask your family members to set one intention for themselves this year. What would it be? How would it feel to actualize that intention? Maybe they’d want to write it down and post it in their room (much higher chance of achieving their intention if it is visible to remind them).
Then take the conversation one step further…and have everyone throw out a big dream for themselves in the next decade. Ten years is a long time, think about what everyone’s ages will be—what big dreams do they have for themselves ten years from now? No criticism of their dreams is allowed! Only HEARING, LISTENING, AND SMILING about what direction they see their life going. What big dreams do you have for yourself by the end of ten years? Share that with your children as well :)
PRACTICE UPDATES
The numbers are in—in 2019, in our group practice, we served 105 clients and had 1,119 appointments! I am thrilled that so much support was offered from my practice. Whew! With that in mind, the holiday period was a time of quiet restoration, time with family and friends…now in 2020, we are refreshed and ready to get back to the work.
At the end of January, we will say goodbye to Rebecca Ruben, ASW as she’s nearing time for licensing exams and recently got a full-time position at USC Hillel Jewish Center. She’s been a pleasure to work with—so bright, such integrity, and so beloved by her clients. She’s worked with individual clients, run a Motherless Mothers Group, and a High School Girls’ Group…all with grace, while juggling motherhood and other career hats along the way. We will all miss her presence in Suite 206, but we are excited about her next chapter.
Currently, Leah has one opening in the Wed night High School Girls’ Group; Meaghan has two openings in the Middle School Girls’ Group, and Rebecca/Stacy has two openings in the Thursday night High School Girls’ Group. Please reach out if we can assist.
Peace,
Leah