🌟Weekly Inspiration🌟

John and Julie Gottman are popular psychologists that research and work with couples. One of their primary findings centers around “bids for connection,” which are requests for attention, affirmation, or affection. They can be communicated in a variety of ways:

Verbal: “How was your day?“
Physical: Going in for a hug
Vocal: Laughing, chuckling, groaning
Other: Making space on the couch, smiling across the room etc..

Healthy couples respond positively to their partner’s bids for attention about 86% of the time, whereas couples who eventually get divorced only respond positively 33% of the time. Of course, our relationships with our adult partners and hugely impactful for our children…but I was also thinking about how our children emotionally communicate with us as well and “Bid for connection.” Children are “bidding” for our attention all the time. As they get older, these cues can increasingly be more subtle and could easily be missed. Just like our romantic relationships might disintegrate if we miss the requests, our connectedness with our children can also be strained if we miss the cues. It requires our attunement and thoughtful presence to catch the requests from our children! Each child is unique and may bid for you in a different way ❤️.

Ask Yourself:

Am I aware of my family members’ Bids for Connection?
Do I generously meet their requests most of the time?
How do my children prefer connecting with me? Do I ever miss their bid? What gets in my way?
If I regularly miss their bids, could I apologize and try harder to cue into those I love?
Does one of my children attempt to connect in a way that is not easy for me?
How do I initiate bids for their attention? Do I feel they see me?
Could we have a conversation about this over dinner sometime or on a car ride?

Hope that you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!