Feeling Better Vs. Feeling Contained

🌟Weekly Inspiration🌟

As clinicians (and as parents) we often feel called to help someone feel better. It is hard to watch someone suffer and struggle. It can be agonizing—in my work as a therapist and as a mother. Yet…there are many instances where I cannot help someone feel better and that may not even be the goal. As optimistic as I am, often I’m called to listen and witness and acknowledge the suffering….without solving, fixing, or even instilling hope. 

Sometimes this is a tough role for parents as well. There is a difference between feeling better and feeling contained. Feeling contained alludes to the feeling of being emotionally regulated, being seen and heard, and having clarity on one’s emotional experience. Emotional health = having the right emotion at the right time. There are many times in life when one may not feel better for some time: losing a parent, being sexually assaulted, being in a car accident, being emotionally abused, having a friend move away, when parents divorce, etc…in these circumstances, feeling contained (clarity, acknowledgment of struggle, feeling heard, permission to express emotion, unconditional love, and positive regard) is likely what is needed in the moment. Feeling better will come with time, patience, and love ❤️.

Ask Yourself:

Do I often want relief from my pain? Do I want relief from my children’s pain? Am I realistic about what it might take to get that relief?

Did anyone help to contain the big feelings in my adolescence?

Can I reframe my role as a parent, in terms of not fixing and just listening and being a steady presence of support?

Can I tolerate the patience required sometimes to begin to feel better or watch my children begin to feel better?

Does this spark any insight for me?

Be well!