Liking Vs. Loving
🌟Weekly Inspiration🌟
All parents love their children. Not all parents like their children if truth be told. Sometimes there is a personality/temperament mismatch..or sometimes a particular developmental phase feels especially hard to like your children. Sometimes children feel the same way—they love their parents, but sometimes they don’t like their parents.
Sometimes as a therapist, I am called to “like” a kid that is having trouble feeling liked at home. When there has been tremendous challenge, concern, or acting out—parents often struggle to remember what is likable about their kid. But, every person has good qualities if you look for them. It’s always part of my job to recognize strengths, build confidence, identify areas for growth, see the innate good in them when it’s not always recognized by the people related to them, and help them internalize the idea that they are lovable and likable. Kids feel it when their parents don’t like them (maybe because they are gay, overweight, contrary, academically challenged, not athletic enough, quiet, annoying, etc). It is actually truly painful for them because the majority of kids really want to please their parents, even when they sometimes act as if they don’t care about pleasing their parents.
Ask Yourself:
Did I feel liked by my parents while growing up?
How did this impact my sense of self? My self-confidence in the world?
What would it feel like, to be honest inside myself about whether I always like my children?
What might my children be picking up on about the way that I feel about them? Any shifts that I should make?
What might it feel like to sensitively acknowledge unease out loud with your teenager? (Examples: “Seems like we are having trouble connecting right now-do you notice it too?”…. "We’re at an impasse and can’t seem to get along. This feels hard to me.”… "I know that this will pass and I love you very much. We seem stuck in a phase where you don’t seem to like me much.”)
Could I spend more time and energy looking for the good in my kids? Sending them the message that they are indeed liked and loved ❤️
Be well!