Living Our Own Lives
🌟Weekly Inspiration🌟
Happy New Year!
In the spirit of welcoming 2023 and thinking about what small parenting shifts you might want to incorporate this year, I’d like you to consider this quote:
“The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of the parents.” -Carl Jung
I think this is a powerful concept. In all fairness, I think there are many emotional burdens a child can bear, unfortunately…however, the burden Jung describes is profound ❤️. I’ve seen this play out many times in my office—a pressure on a child to achieve success academically, musically, artistically, or on the field in a way that is not authentic—more of a pleasing mentality to meet the expectations of their parents. When I probe, it often becomes clear that the child is living out the unlived dream of the parent in some capacity. This can occur unconsciously, without the parent even realizing it—or is consciously known and communicated directly to the child. Children want to please their parents, almost universally (sometimes there is adolescent rebellion, but even they desire to please their parents). This can impact passions and pursuits, friendships and dating relationships, and college and career choices.
Many of us can easily slip into burdening our children with our own unlived dreams and interests…it can be subtle—and can come across as encouragement, nudging, and orchestrating to lead children in a certain direction. What might it be like this year to consider untangling yourself from your children—see yourself and them with separate identities, interests, temperaments, and gifts?
Ask Yourself:
Were you permitted to live out your own dreams? What has that been like for you in your life?
If you were burdened with living out some of your parents’ unlived life, what did that feel like? Did you eventually find your own way? Do you still need to work on this in 2023?
What unlived life do you have left within yourself that you could intentionally pursue for yourself?
If I’m being honest with myself, do I put pressure on my child to fulfill parts of my unlived life? In what ways? How do they respond?
What happens to a child that hasn’t learned to think for themselves—about what they’d like to do with their time and energy? What does their life look like at 20 years old? 30?
How might our relationship with our child be improved if we saw ourselves and them more clearly?