No One Wants to Be Someone Else's Project
🌟Weekly Inspiration🌟
Hope that you and your family are settling into fall and back to school! As the kids begin a new school year, it’s a good time for us to consider our parenting and how we want to show up this year with our kids. We have so many kids in our practice that are stressed by their parent’s over-involvement in their schooling, feel pressure to achieve perfect grades, or are micro-managed at every turn. Think back to your own upbringing, when likely a report card just showed up in the mail after the semester ended. Our parents had no idea about our assignments, whether we turned things in late, or what our grades were until a progress report or report card arrived. There was freedom and space for us—some kids flailed and some kids thrived, as it’s always been. We had a sense of agency over our lives—our academics and life trajectory was largely up to us…little to no orchestrating, managing, or controlling. We didn’t feel as much pressure to perform well to please our parents, there wasn’t such desperation about the college application process, and there wasn’t as much scarcity around getting into college/sports/scholarships.
Most of us did not feel like our parents' “project.” They were less invested in everything to do about us! I would argue there are many positives about this for us and our children. Parents today, often unconsciously, want their children to be an extension of themselves—reflecting back their values and interests, not truly seeing their children for who they are actually becoming. Open your eyes and embrace the child you have in front of you. It is truly that simple and that challenging ❤️.
If this topic peaks your interest, listen to the Kelly Corrigan Wonders podcast—she has many on parenting that are honest and helpful. Also, the book HOW TO RAISE AN ADULT by Julie Lythcott-Haims is so awesome.
Ask Yourself:
How do I want to support my child’s education?
What do I enjoy most and naturally have the skills to assist with?
How do my children prefer that I be involved?
How much monitoring of grades do I actually need to be doing?
What would it feel like to let go of trying to control, manage, and worry about my child’s academics and future?
How might my child feel if I backed off and trusted them to start being more in control of their academics and life trajectory?
What intentions can I set for my parenting this school year?
Am I surrounding myself with other parents that are like-minded?
Do I need some shifts here?