Stop Talking About Your Appearance (and Their Appearance!)
🌟Weekly Inspiration🌟
Many teen girls and young women have commented to me recently about how their mothers criticize their own appearance on the regular at home. I’m sure that fathers can be hard on themselves or focus on looks/ physique and over-share those messages with their kids as well…but as a generalization, I believe mothers are more likely to comment about their bodies, weight, wrinkles, and sagging necks (yes! I’ve heard that recently). Some parents don’t verbalize it, but body language and subtle behaviors are observed by our children every day. They notice how you glance at yourself in the mirror or shame yourself after indulging in the pantry. Some mothers don’t prioritize their own health and wellness...and some over-emphasize fitness/extreme dieting and appearance. As a woman, I get the challenges in this arena—and we could talk endlessly about problems inherent in our culture emphasizing beauty as the definition of a female’s worth. Let's all keep plugging away at tackling these issues on the macro level, but for today, I want you to pause and think about the micro level in your own home with your family.
Most children love their parents, want to look like them in some capacity, and identify with their same-sex parent as a role model for femininity or masculinity. It makes many kids sad when their parents are critical of themselves, as they see you as beautiful. It also makes them fearful—cause often mothers who are critical of their own appearance are critical of their children’s appearance. It sucks and yet, it’s quite common. Adolescence is hard enough—teens don’t need their parents (who are supposed to unconditionally love them) commenting on their acne, their hair, their changing body, or every single outfit they put on. What would it be like to say less about appearance in general?
Ask Yourself:
If your family opts to be more neutral or balanced regarding appearance, why…and how has that worked out for your kids’ confidence levels?
Does appearance actually have anything to do with biological health?
Do you get caught up in vanity? What other qualities are inherent in your personhood? Any small shifts you could take?
Would your children tell me that you are critical of your appearance? Of their appearance?
If it’s over-emphasized in our culture, how could it be under-emphasized at home?
How can you model health and aging gracefully without uttering a word to them?
Do you think criticism and fear of not meeting your approval motivates kids to behave in a healthy way with their body and self-image over the long term?
If you think you are off the hook because you only have boys—what do you think will leave an impression upon them about how women should be treated based on the way you treat yourself?