The Importance of Language
🌟Weekly Inspiration🌟
This week I was struck by comments like this from parents:
“We’re applying to University of Michigan.”
“We’re trying out for this club soccer team.”
“We’re going on Accutane so just getting bloodwork done.”
We’ve all done it on occasion and I am not trying to shame you 😉. However, I want to highlight the power of the words that we use when we describe our children's actions. Parents today are over-identified and over-involved with their children. This is partly why parents are SO anxious and children are SO frustrated/agitated by their parents. You should not feel so involved that you feel that YOU are applying to college, trying out for club soccer, or getting your blood drawn for THEIR acne medication. Enough said ❤️.
We deprive them of owning their own challenges when we act like we are actually part of their big hurdle. We diminish their feelings of success, independence, and frustration tolerance (ex. When you write their college essay, you have deprived them of being able to be frustrated and challenged and persevere). We send them the message that we don’t think they can do “it” without our assistance.
Ask Yourself:
Do I slip sometimes and say “We’re” instead of “She’s Doing This/He’s Doing That?”
Am I over-identified or over-involved?
Am I doing too much for my child? Why? What is the underlying fear?
How might that language slip make my child feel?
What if I back off and give them total credit?
Any small shifts I can make?