We Don’t See with our Eyes, We See with our Biographies.

🌟Weekly Inspiration🌟

I heard this concept somewhere and I think it is profound. As adults, we sometimes pride ourselves on sound judgment and clarity. We might buy into the "illusion of control" over how we make decisions or reach our values. I think it is worth noting that everything that we are and do is colored by our biographies. It’s hard to separate who we are (ethnicity, gender, age, DNA) and our life experiences from how we view the world and others.

Our biographies also have an impact on the ways in which we parent. Think about what was modeled for you, how you were nurtured or neglected, whether your parents divorced or stayed married, whether there was addiction or mental illness, whether there was financial stability or struggle, whether your parents were immigrants or had been here for generations, etc…When we have a huge emotional reaction or are “triggered,” by our children—it’s likely related to some pain or fear from our own experiences. Likewise, if we tend to retreat or avoid dealing when we really need to be present as a parent—we also might have been triggered by our biography.  

I have noticed in recent years, that as I get older, my own childhood feels closer to me than ever before. More memories bubble up, more connections are being made about why I am the way that I am, and a richer understanding of how my biography has influenced my life and my parenting in the present day.

Ask Yourself:

Are there moments when I recognize how profoundly I’ve been impacted by my biography?
What stands out about my biography?
Are there patterns that I didn’t want to repeat in my own parenting that I have successfully broken?
What triggers me? What makes me want to put my head in the sand?
Does my childhood feel far away or close in the rearview mirror?
How does my biography affect me in this voting season?

 Be well ⭐