Another Form of Privilege

🌟Weekly Inspiration🌟

I sit with parents all the time. I think we are plagued by something. We seem to think that it is our duty and charge to try to protect our children from life, ensure they make few mistakes, prepare them for every possible obstacle, and orchestrate their path for success. Are we working harder than previous generations of parents? We certainly seem to think that if we love harder, are mightily involved, micromanage more, protect more—somehow this will make our children have a better experience in life.  It strikes me that this is a new form of privilege—it is a luxury to have the time, space, and resources to contemplate lofty dreams for our kids.  Somehow modern parents think they can control the outcome…especially if they are raising children with some degree of stability, safety, and prosperity. When one is raising children under more adversity, there is not this pressure or capacity to parent in this fashion. It is simply not possible.  

We cannot protect our children from some of the real hardships that might be coming their way: break ups, consequences from poor choices, grief/loss, not getting the job, not getting into dream college, health scares, discrimination, disappointments, melancholy, alcohol/drug addiction, mental health struggles, failing, loneliness, traumatic experiences, infertility, etc…However, WE CAN LOVE THEM and walk beside them when they struggle. 

"Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one” -- Bruce Lee 

Ask Yourself:

Do I want my children to understand that life is hard?  Do I believe that to be the case? Can I think of someone who has had an “easy” life?

Does that feel depressing to me? How can I reframe my thinking?

Did my moments of adversity destroy me? Did they prove to be moments that helped define my character and clarify my resilience? Why do I want to deprive my children of that?

Am I an anxious parent? Would I feel less anxious if I didn’t feel so responsible?

How can I love them and stop trying to control the outcome?

How can I believe in their strength to persevere? When I’m anxious and over-function on their behalf, aren’t I sending them the message that I don’t have confidence in their own abilities to triumph?

Breathe. This is HARD! I’m just scratching the surface on a bigger topic!  

Be well ❤️