In Search of Self
🌟Weekly Inspiration🌟
Much of our lives, we spend developing our self-identity—figuring out who we are, what we value, how we want to contribute to the world, and with whom we want to connect. Just when we feel settled, we likely begin to transition into a new season in our life—often expanding to new identities…and so it goes.
Sometimes parents think by praising kids, their selfhood becomes stronger and their self-esteem rises. It is common in our culture to praise children A LOT. It is a strange concept for parents to imagine praising their children less often. However, all the research points to the benefits of less praise (one key idea is that it is better for kids to be intrinsically motivated to work hard/succeed than to be externally motivated to do things and receive praise). Today, I want to focus on this idea: that the Self becomes stronger, not by being praised, but by being known ❤️. Marinate on that this week 😊.
Sometimes as a therapist, I am called to know and reflect back what I see of the person in my office. This is done slowly over time, by actively listening, curiosity on my part, asking evocative questions, and helping provide a space for someone to share and gain clarity. I do this with kids and adults all the time—and it’s a true privilege ⭐. As a parent, you have a front-row seat to KNOWING your child—take advantage of it! Imagine yourself earning a PhD in your child ⭐.
Ask Yourself:
Have I struggled to figure out who I am in the course of my life? Why?
Were there adults in my life that truly KNEW me, saw me accurately, and shared what they understood about me?
If not, how did I muddle through and figure it out/or continue to figure it out?
Do I SEE my children? Do I see what I want to see or do I truly see who they actually are?
Am I able to reflect that back to them on occasion, or point out things that might resonate for them, or appreciate their special characteristics?
Do I have the capacity to grow in this way, to better serve my children?