Love You So Much, Need Nothing At All
🌟Weekly Inspiration🌟
It’s been a few weeks since we dropped our eldest off to college across the country 😢. In the months leading up to it, I was highly emotional and weepy—in lots of little moments by myself. I could tell how excited our daughter was about her new adventure and I knew that I needed to keep my own grieving in check in her presence. Our younger children were also picking up on the heightened emotion and it was evident they needed us to still be excited about parenting them here at home ❤️.
I realized her launch and next steps truly should have nothing to do with me. My emotional needs are not the priority. I wanted her to feel that I understood that and set her free. On a podcast, I heard of a mom who says to her college kids: “Love you so much. Need nothing at all.” Yes 💡. So, in my own way, this is exactly what I said to her.
As parents, sometimes consciously or unconsciously we require/expect/demand/hope that our children might meet our emotional needs. We all have emotional needs that are met—by partners, friends, family members, or ourselves. Sometimes our emotional needs are unmet and we have to figure out how to deal with that. In the therapy space with adolescents and young adults, we often see sensitive kids carrying the burden of meeting their parents' emotional needs. It is not their job—they have their own developmental tasks to keep them busy without caretaking to us.
Ask Yourself:
What were the emotional demands placed on me growing up? What was my response? Did I feel free?
Have I consciously tried to parent my children in a new manner?
In what ways do I hope or expect my child to meet my emotional needs? Should I be meeting those needs for myself or should another adult be helping me? Can I tolerate an unmet need?
Do my children feel they have to please me, over pleasing themselves? Is there a danger in that?
If I am parenting young children, can I start incorporating this concept today?