Provisional Language
🌟Weekly Inspiration🌟
So often adults feel like they have to have the answers. We feel that we need to know what to say and that we need to be right—in front of our children, our colleagues, and our friends. That’s a lot of pressure on us ❤️. Clinicians and therapists feel this way too—somehow we should have support, guidance, and words for every situation that presents itself in our office. It’s just not possible, nor is it really honest.
There are many times adults do not know the right course or what to say in a tricky moment or circumstance. I want to give you permission to NOT KNOW. I want to breathe some space into the idea that we shouldn’t say anything with too much confidence 💡. In middle age, sometimes we start to realize that actually everything that we thought we knew to be true, feels turned upside down—and we know less, are more flexible, and less judgmental than ever because life has thrown us enough curveballs to help knock down our arrogance.
Possibly, by using provisional language, we can buy ourselves time to ponder and contemplate the right response.
What might it feel like to say:
Maybe…
Let me think about that and get back to you…
Let me consult with Dad and we’ll circle back to you…
I’m not sure…
Perhaps…
Wow. I’m stumped.
That was heavy. I’m having trouble coming up with the right words.
I wish I had a good answer, but I’m not sure if there is an answer.
That’s hard. I don’t want to say the wrong thing, so I’m going to just be quiet and sit with you.
Maybe the answer is inside yourself.
Let’s take a walk/pray/watch a show/make dinner and see if we gain clarity on the situation.
I’m okay being patient with you and myself until it becomes clear what to do…
Ask Yourself:
Is this a challenging concept for me?
Have I always felt like I needed to have the answers? Why might that be? Does it feel like a burden?
What are you modeling for your children if you think you always have the answers? What are you modeling for your children if you use provisional language?
Are there any fears here that could use acknowledgment? Could you remind yourself that you are safe and it’s OK to take time?