The Answer is No
🌟Weekly Inspiration🌟
Many children today are not used to hearing their parents tell them “No.” It seems like that was a given during my growing up years and likely for the generations before us. So, how come modern children and teens are less familiar with being told “no”? I don’t really have an answer to this question, but I think it’s a good one for us all to ponder. I have a sneaking suspicion that Child-Centered Parenting, Helicopter Parenting, and the desire to have a more friendly relationship with our children are part of the reason. As parents, we know that constantly saying “no” makes it less effective over time…and we know that screaming “no” when we are angry, is not helpful for a growing child. However, when we never say “No,” we might be raising children that are entitled, accustomed to life always going their way, psychologically fragile, and unprepared for the real world. Resilience and delayed gratification are built when kids learn to tolerate a limit or the word “no."
In my office, we see the meltdowns that ensue when kids are not used to hearing the word “no.” It’s not pretty—tantrums for little kids and acting out with real consequences for adolescents. It is actually a sign of health when there is some conflict in a family, particularly when parenting adolescents. I reminded myself of this just a few days ago during a challenging discussion with our youngest, telling myself: Breathe. Welcome the challenge. He can voice his wish and it’s ok for us to say no.
Lisa Murray, M.A shares four reasons why children need to learn to hear the word “No”:
https://www.aacc.net/2017/07/14/four-life-changing-reasons-children-need-to-hear-the-word-no/
They Need to Learn How to Respect Others
They Need to Learn That the World Owes Them Nothing
They Need to Learn to Recognize Warning Signs of Danger (No, don’t play in the street)
They Need to Learn to Regulate Their Emotions
Ask yourself:
How often do I say “No” to my children? Too much or too little?
Do we have healthy conflict in our home—children testing the boundaries and asking for desires, ability to have discussions and arguments, capacity for compromise, tolerance when a limit is set and a boundary is held?
Are my children entitled? Used to the red carpet rolled out for them in every way? How might this negatively affect their future?
What was my experience with being told “No” as a child?
How do I want to do things similarly or differently with my own children?
How do you think socioeconomic status affects parenting and the use of the word “No”?
Are there any shifts that I need to make?