"You've Got This!"
🌟Weekly Inspiration🌟
There are times when our children are struggling so much that they need a lot of extra support, TLC, and hand-holding. However, much of the time, our kids can do more for themselves than we allow. It is our job as parents to be attuned to this distinction…and to “let go and let them” and let them handle their life and decisions as much as we can. Remember that it is our job to help them become more independent over time so that they launch from us at some point 😊.
By the way, this starts when they are little! When kids are young, it looks like not letting them struggle with tying their shoes, doing their HW with them and hovering, not taking off the training wheels, or bringing their lunch or instrument to school for them when they forget.
I was listening to Kelly Corrigan’s podcast interview with Julie Lythcott-Haims, author of HOW TO RAISE AN ADULT (which I highly recommend!)…they discussed this idea:
Preparing the road for the child leads to anxiety…
Preparing the child for the road leads to adulthood.
Yes ❤️. This resonates and feels true to what I experience as a parent and what I see in my practice. Make no mistake—it is often easier to prepare the road for the child—advocating with teachers and coaches, doing all their chores for them, preventing their failure, protecting them from natural consequences at school or with peers, or orchestrating their lives in a way to maximize their success. In the short term, this is easier and your child may experience less distress! But successfully navigating distress and challenge is what they will need to build confidence that they can handle LIFE! How would it feel to step back and say “You’ve got this”? When we do too much for them, we are actually sending them the clear message that we DO NOT think they can handle their life and choices. Let that sink in. Many well-intentioned and loving parents don’t actually realize they are sending that message to their kids each day. It is not a surprise when those kids can’t launch down the road.
Ask yourself:
Did my parents raise me in a way that made me feel confident that I could handle life and adulthood?
What helped me feel prepared for life?
What fears come up for me when I think about letting my kid do more for themselves?
What if they suffer? Struggle? Fail? Get hurt? Learn the hard way? Can I love them and also know that they will survive these challenges?
Does it feel like it’s my job to do everything for them? Do I need to begin doing more for myself? Do you need to feel needed at the expense of your child’s quest for independence?
What might it feel like for your child to experience you believing in them? How would it feel to say “You’ve Got This”?
How can I ground myself if I give them more independence and they don’t do great with it? Would my instinct be to rescue or continue to let them grind it out?